


Is it cool if I hold your hand?

by Rinzler



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinzler/pseuds/Rinzler
Summary: Kissing Ryan is at once everything and nothing like he's imagined.





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m sorry,” Ryan says quietly next to him, sounding downtrodden and miserable. Bryce stops trying to wring water out of the hem of his totally soaked shirt to look up at the other man in confusion. 

“For what?” Bryce asks absently, preoccupied with staring up at Ryan’s face, observing the sharp cut of his cheekbones and the nine o’clock stubble across his jawline. He’s probably never going to get over having to look up at another human being, far too used to always being the tallest one in the room. It was even more disconcerting when they had first met. Now it’s faded to a passing surprise every time he looks over at Ryan and then has to remind himself to tilt his head back in order to really look at him.

“For everything,” Ryan says. “I mean- I just- I didn’t want it to go like this.” He gestures in frustration at the rain pouring down in sheets just beyond the awning of the building they’ve taken temporary shelter under. Bryce doesn’t blame him or being frustrated- after all, the weather report had called for sunshine all day. 

Still. “There’s nothing wrong, it’s just a little water,” Bryce says cheerfully. “And it has to let up eventually. We’ll just run for the car then.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Ryan mumbles, staring at the ground. Bryce pats him consolingly on the shoulder and resumes trying to get as much excess water out of his shirt as he can. 

It’s quiet under the awning when they’re not talking, despite the rain still pounding on the pavement. They’re the only two under this specific one, although more people have hurriedly run under other awnings lining the street and into the few businesses that are open today. A few cars and taxis pass by, but the rain muffles the noise. Everything sounds like it’s coming from far away.

Next to him, Ryan sighs.

Bryce lets go of his shirt and turns to look up at him. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“What?” Ryan says, startled by the sudden question.

“I know you don’t mind the rain, I know you have nothing against chilling here for a while, and I know you had nothing important scheduled today you could have missed. So what’s wrong?” Bryce asks.

“There’s nothing wrong,” Ryan tries to deny, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking away, out at the rain and the city beyond. Bryce mimics his position and frowns at him, feeling hurt.

“If you really didn’t want to hang out with me, you should have told me,” he says, trying to stop himself from sounding too bitter. He knows Ryan has a busy life and a busier channel now that his subscriber count is so high, and he’s probably got a million better things to do today than run around the city with Bryce, but he thought the other man wanted to spend time together. 

“What? No!” Ryan nearly shouts, dropping his arms to his sides and frantically turning to face Bryce. “No! That’s not it at all! I want to be here!”

“Then why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Bryce asks pleadingly. “Ryan, I can tell you’re frustrated. Let me help.”

Ryan shakes his head and takes a step backward, until they’re as far apart as possible in the limits of the confined space. “I can’t.”

Something in Bryce’s chest aches. “But we’re friends,” he says. “Friends help each other.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Ryan mutters. “We’re friends.” 

Bryce feels the aching thing in his chest double in size. Tears sting at the corners of his eyes, but he blinks them back, determined not to break down when he doesn’t even understand what Ryan is saying. “What? What do you mean?”

Ryan groans and drops his head into his hands. “I don’t want to be friends with you, Bryce,” he says despairingly, as though it’s being torn out of him. 

Forget understanding. Bryce turns around and runs. Runs into the pouring rain and slick concrete streets, drops pelting his face and soaking through his clothes again. Runs away from Ryan, who he can hear shouting behind him, pleas for him to slow down and wait.

Of course Ryan is much faster than him, not entirely due to the fact that he can take longer strides. He’s athletic, well-built and toned from hours of working out and pushing his body to the limit in order to get stronger. Bryce gets maybe twelve feet away before Ryan catches up to him, wrapping a hand around Bryce’s wrist and tugging him under another deserted awning. 

Bryce tries to push him away. “Get off! Let me go!”

“I will if you listen!” Ryan says, wrapping his arms around Bryce’s chest to hold him in place.

“Listen to what?” Bryce cries. “You telling me that you hate me? That you don’t want to be my friend? That you were lying this entire time!?”

“Bryce, just...please,” Ryan says. He doesn’t let Bryce go, and instead loosens his grip a little. He sounds completely and utterly tired, as though life itself has become exhausting and he just wants today to be over. He’s not demanding that Bryce stay, but he wants him to.

That has Bryce cautiously holding still, waiting to hear what Ryan says next.

“I don’t want to be friends with you,” Ryan says awkwardly, “because, um, I guess I had this hope that we could be...something more.” He drops his head onto Bryce’s shoulder, and Bryce shudders at the heat that seeps through his rain-chilled clothes to his skin from Ryan’s breath. “God, why is this so hard to say… I had a speech all rehearsed and everything. I knew exactly what I wanted to tell you, and now I’ve forgotten all of it.”

“Um?” Bryce says shakily, not really understanding what’s going on.

Gentle hands let go of his chest and touch his shoulders, spinning Bryce in place until he’s chest-to-chest with Ryan, looking up into the other man’s green eyes, clouded with pain and something that looks strangely fond. 

“Bryce,” Ryan says slowly. “Today was supposed to be...well, it was supposed to be a date. Our first date.” 

Suddenly a million tiny little details slot perfectly into place. Ryan picking him up and telling him to wear something nice. Ryan taking them to a restaurant that wasn’t fast-food before they went for a walk in the park and got ice cream and bought bread to feed the ducks. Ryan taking him to the coolest modern art gallery he could find and pointing out all his favorite paintings and sculptures he thought Bryce would like. Ryan paying for everything before Bryce could.

Bryce feels his jaw drop a little as he stares up at Ryan, completely blindsided. He feels as though someone’s just taken a baseball bat to his coherent thoughts and bashed them to pieces, leaving him with nothing. “Oh.”

Ryan clears his throat and shuffles his feet awkwardly, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck. He’s nervous. “Yeah. I’m guessing by your reaction you hadn’t figured that out, so...yeah.” He lets go of Bryce and takes a step back, forcing an awkward laugh. “It’s okay, I get it. Kind of weird liking your best friend, right?”

“Ryan,” Bryce says, voice steady, possessed by an eerie kind of calm that comes with knowing there’s nothing left to lose.

“You’re probably straight, too. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Ryan continues to ramble. “I guess we’ll just wait until this rain ends and then I’ll drive you home and- and we can forget this ever happened-”

“Ryan.”

“-because I don’t think I could take you rejecting this, rejecting me, although let’s be honest I was kind of setting myself up for failure here, right? So-”

“Ryan!” Bryce nearly shouts, taking a step forward and reaching out to grab a handful of Ryan’s white sweater. Ryan blinks down at him, temporarily stunned and torn from his downward spiral of thoughts. The rain has soaked his shoulders and the tips of his hair, water dripping free and tracing rivulets down his face and neck. His cheeks are tinged pink with exertion and cold, and his eyes are so very, very green.

Bryce considers saying something for about half a second before he throws caution to the wind and hauls Ryan down until their lips touch.

Kissing Ryan is at once everything and nothing like he's imagined. 

The rain beats down around them, muffling all passing sound. There's nothing in the world right now except for the two of them. It's strange and new, being so isolated like this, but Bryce finds he doesn't mind. He tugs harder on Ryan’s sweatshirt, pulling him that much closer, and leans up on the tips of his toes in order to get a better angle. Their lips slide together, Bryce’s smooth and Ryan’s rough and chapped, and it’s good, it’s so unbelievably good.

Ryan makes a noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a groan and a sigh. Seconds later, Bryce feels Ryan’s hands cup the sides of his face, thumbs tracing his cheekbones. His hands slide through Bryce’s hair before settling at the back of his neck, gently cradling his head. His fingers gently tug at Bryce’s hair. Bryce can’t stop himself from moaning at that, lips parting slightly. Ryan takes the opportunity to bite down at his bottom lip and tug, and Bryce actually feels his knees go weak. He reaches up with his free hand and grabs onto Ryan’s wrist, desperately trying to keep himself from falling over.

It’s only when he goes a little dizzy from lack of air that Bryce pulls back, eyes fluttering open, stunned at the force of what he’s just experienced. “Ryan…”

He doesn’t manage to say anything else before Ryan gasps “Bryce” in return and pulls him into another kiss. This one is more desperate than the last, full of fire and passion. Ryan kisses like a drowning man trying to steal the very air from Bryce’s lungs, like a starving man who hasn’t eaten in days, like he needs this to survive. It’s new and strange and absolutely terrifying and Bryce can’t get enough. He’s never been wanted like this before.

The inches of space that had somehow still existed between them in the last kiss have by now melted away. Bryce can feel Ryan’s body pressed against his from knees to chest, the warm heat soaking through his rain-sodden clothes. He leans in eagerly, and his arms go from holding on to Ryan’s sweatshirt and wrist to wrapped around his neck, trying to keep him as close as possible. 

Ryan groans, low and deep, and drops his hands to Bryce’s waist. He tugs desperately at the fabric of Bryce’s shirt and pulls it upward. His hands are at once both cold and warm against Bryce’s skin, and Bryce shudders and tears himself from the kiss, breaths unsteady and shallow. 

“Sorry,” Ryan says quietly, and moves his hands away until they're hanging at his sides. “Too soon, right?”

Bryce drops his head forward to rest against Ryan’s shoulder and laughs, shoulder shaking with the force of it.“It might be if I hadn't already been in love with you for months.”

Ryan actually chokes. “What? You- you what? Me?”

“Yes, you,” Bryce says, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Ryan gently on the cheek. He's blushing like mad, staring down at Bryce like he can't believe what's happening. “I’m in love with you.”

“Oh. Wow,” Ryan says, a grin slowly spreading from ear to ear. It would look half-demented if he didn’t look so happy. “Really? I’m not dreaming?”

“If this is a dream I hope I never wake up,” Bryce says quietly. 

The stunned joy fades from Ryan’s eyes, replaced with something much more serious. He reaches up and tenderly cups Bryce’s face in his hands, tilting his head carefully. His touch is cautious, like Bryce is as delicate as glass. Yet there’s something burning in the space between them, a passion that feels strong enough to tear them apart and they’re only just hanging on. Ryan swipes a thumb across Bryce’s lower lip and sighs. The blush staining his cheeks has faded to a pinkish tinge, but he still looks just as dazed. 

“Then I hope I never do either,” Ryan says softly, and they fall together again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another way it could have gone.

_ “Sorry,” Ryan says quietly, and moves his hands away until they're hanging at his sides. “Too soon, right?” _

_ Bryce drops his head forward to rest against Ryan’s shoulder and laughs, shoulder shaking with the force of it. _ “Where did you park the car?” He asks. 

“About three blocks away, why?” Ryan says, sounding confused.

“Because,” Bryce says, “in a few moments we're going to make a run for it, so you can take us home...and fuck me into your mattress so hard I forget my own name.”

Ryan whimpers. 

Bryce grins devilishly and leans up, whispering his next words directly into Ryan's ear. “And maybe, if you're good, I'll even blow you on the drive there.”

He wasn't anticipating Ryan literally picking him up, throwing Bryce over his shoulder, and sprinting out into the rain, but in hindsight he should have expected it.

**Author's Note:**

> Real life is absolutely terrible at the moment, so I have chosen to escape to the world of Youtube. Again, thanks to @bananabuslove on tumblr (& my IRL bestie) for dragging me here kicking and screaming. Fic writing is very therapeutic. 
> 
> Inspired by the artwork of @monotonefair on tumblr. Link to the specific artwork: http://monotonefair.tumblr.com/post/151603095843/hey-can-you-please-draw-brohm-maybe-them-kissing
> 
> I know my fic doesn't match it exactly, but it was close enough and I wanted to give credit. Also, go check out the artist, they're amazing.


End file.
